The weeks have all sort of blended into one.
I’ve been in a bit of a funk for about two months or so – I’ve attended two funerals and have been dealing with a lot of little things lately. On the bright side, it feels like I’m emerging from my funk feeling like a better person than when I sunk into it. The long and short of it is that I feel that it is time for me to start dreaming again.
For a while, I’ve been working on making my aspirations more realistic. I slowly scaled back my dreams, partially because my goals changed and partially because I had a few aspirations that I felt were too out there. I set my bar lower and lower, and I think I eventually hit a point where I was willing to say that getting out of bed before noon was a reasonable accomplishment for any given day – heck, there were at least a few recent times when waking up felt like a small victory.
I’d been slowly withdrawing from pretty much everything. I stopped posting here, although I’d kept on with my series of monsters and completed my Twin Peaks themed Fiasco playset. I haven’t seen the bulk of my friends in months, though I’ve had pleasent visits with a few. When I withdraw like that, it is usually because I’m creating something. While I do have a story in the works, I’ve been content to think about it more than actually writing it.
I’ve been watching television. That’s a time sink that just isn’t worth it. While it is nice to experience entertainment, shutting off and watching television for 6 hours isn’t the best way to spend your limited time on earth. I’d get-up, watch The Price is Right, then the news, and then whatever else was on before going to work. When I got home from work, I’d watch whatever recorded while I was working, and then zone-out until I couldn’t stay awake.
If there was nothing on, I’d play video games obsessively.
Part of my excuse has been that I’ve been far too busy at work, and I just wanted to have a break when I didn’t have to work.
Slowly, I started to just lose interest in anything that required much effort. When I went almost two weeks without bathing, I realized that I was heading in the wrong direction. It was around then that allergies hit, and they just knocked everything out of me for almost a couple of weeks.
Now, I’m on the last week of May, and have a self-imposed deadline approaching – I have a story that is due to be complete on the 31st. That said, I’ve found myself cleaning-up my act. I’ve cleared the built-up tasks that were living on my computer’s desktop, and have written the outline for the story that I want to finish by Friday.
I have a game of Little Fears (the one that involves Merdock and Noah S. Feratu) coming-up next weekend and I’m excited to see a couple of my close friends (one who I haven’t seen since maybe March?). After that, I have a break from work, which is a blessing.
One of my co-workers asked me what I’ll be doing for vacation. I answered that I’ll be doing all of the things that I never do because I have to go to work. I’ll be writing, drawing, getting out in nature, and visiting the city at least once for some kind of culinary adventure and to buy luxury bath products.
All of that said, I feel optimistic.
Like Rabbits is currently being evaluated by a magazine, which is fabulous. I hope that Fern’s story gets out there, and that people read it and get inspired. If it gets rejected, I’m planning on self-publishing, so you’ll probably hear about it either way sooner or later.
So, with an uplifted spirit and a wary eye on my behavior as of late, I go forward, dreaming of something bigger, brighter, and better than just getting out of bed.