So, as I sit here listening to some tunes and working on a writing project that I’ve had on the back burner for a while, I thought to myself that I really should post a few Haikus and the colorized version of last week’s sketch. Taking a break, I got lost on Deviant Art for a while and went on a brief misery trip – getting down on myself for my art style. I look at some stuff out there and I am awed. However, the thing is, I’m not them, so my work shouldn’t look like theirs. Right? Right.
However, this whole twenty minute experience got me to thinking about the state of my being. Long and short, I feel like I haven’t been myself in months, maybe even years. I feel stuck, and that makes this “that post.” You know the one – I say I feel like crap about myself and say that I’ll just learn to be happier with myself and la-la-la. Thing is, I shouldn’t be happy with myself. I’m being too lazy. I’m underachieving in ways that slackers dream about. I don’t produce work, I feel like crap about not producing work, I console myself saying that I deserve a rest or whatever, then I feel like crap because I start avoiding doing much of anything besides watching television and eating Cheez-It brand snack crackers. That’s not who I am.
Who am I? I’m a creative individual that struggles with his sometimes limited talents with usually enjoyable results. I have a good sense of humor, like creepy stuff, and enjoy the company of other people as long as its on my own terms. I can be a bit of a weirdo, and I’m okay with it. I have sometimes severe issues with self-esteem that I need to work on. I’m quick to blame myself and quick to berate myself. I think it’s because I think that if I trample myself, it won’t give anyone else a chance to do it.
My biggest problem is that I don’t really have direction right now. I guess it’s time for a compass.