INT SET DAY
Anne sits patiently. We see little of the set. Frank is seated across from her, ready to conduct his interview.
Sorry to have kept you waiting so
long. I know that you’re between
Don’t worry about it. There’s time.
There’s always time. Half of making
movies is waiting. I’ve got that
part down pat. Seems like I’ve been
waiting all my life for this.
(takes out a pad
So, this is your big break, huh?
Yes. I’ve worked really hard to get
What I’m saying is a lie. This
isn’t my big break, but I know
that’s what I’m supposed to say.
However, I did work very hard to
INT FAMILY ROOM NIGHT
In the past, an 8 year old Anne is sitting and watching television contentedly with her parents. Washed in blue light, she is entranced by the flickering images.
I’d watch the actresses on TV as
they received their awards,
confident that I’d have my own
INT BEDROOM NIGHT
Still in the past, a 13 year old Anne is looking at herself in a mirror, wondering if she’ll ever have a womanly body.
As I grew older, I started to
wonder if I would actually be able
to become what I wanted to be. Not
every girl grew up to look like
INT COLLEGE STAGE NIGHT
In the recent past, Anne sits on the edge of the stage, not content. Bertie is talking with her, consolingly.
I don’t know if I can keep this up,
I started my career like most other
actresses, doing musical plays:Little
Shop, Godspell, and Once Upon a Mattress,
However, it was the role of Audrey
that came back to haunt me.
I saw you a few months ago in Little Shop
and I thought that you.
were brilliant. You brought such a
tender vulnerability to the part.
Ugh. I heard it a thousand times
from friends, family, and
strangers. It made me think I
could really make it.
INT CASTING OFFICE DAY
Three people sit in judgment of Anne’s acting ability. Brent, Bianca, and Bob. Brent is a typical Hollywood “suit”, while Bianca is a “butchy lesbian with small boobs.” Bob looks utterly fascinated with Anne, though he is not as well dressed as Brent. Anne is dressed for the audition and stands before them feigning confidence.
And then, it was always the same
Thank you for your time.
We’ll get back to you soon.
he nods his
But I know they were actually
Her tits are too small.
Her tits are too big.
he nods his
UMP-ST UMP-ST Doo-Doo-Dee-Doo.
INT SET DAY
Back at the interview…
Why do you think they chose you for
I guess it is because I’m just
It also helped that the director
was a friend from college.
I’m sorry, but we need you now.
Frank watches as Anne walks onto the set a few feet away. The “set” is revealed to be little more than a basement with a green screen set up. A stocky guy hoists a thinner guy onto his shoulders as Anne approaches.
Okay, this is the monster. He’s got
two heads, and is covered in warts,
really nasty. And he’s got a big
ol’ wang. Don’t worry: it’ll stay
artsy. Okay? All right!
Effects, get the Bloodgasm ready. I
want her covered! Got it? Okay. 3,
2, 1! Action!
(We hear monster “noises”.)
Sometimes, it’s strange; the things
we’ll do to make our mark or follow
(The crew douses her with blood, producing a huge splash while the monster bellows excitedly.)